Awesome burns for annoying people that you can’t stand

These are some great insults and comebacks for the people who you don’t like, are just plain annoying or the kid that I dislike at my school.( clearing throat noises )

1. You are as useless as the 9 on the microwave
2. Wisdom is chasing you, and unfortunately you’ve always been faster
3. My expectations for you were at ground level and yet here you stand with a shovel
4. You are as useless as the wh in why
5. If you’re here, who’s home disappointing your parents?
6. You’re a conversation starter. Not when you are around but once you leave
7. I’m genuinely excited to never interact with you again
8. In a world full of soup you would eat with a fork
9. You are the living breathing definition of a participation award
10. Your presence is as enjoyable as a wet pair of socks
11. If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose
12. My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle
13. If you were a spice you would be flour
14. You look like something that I would draw with my left hand. ( if you’re left handed switch it to right hand )
15. I refuse to have a battle of wits with somebody who is unarmed
16. If I ever said anything to offend you, it was purely intentional
17. You have the perfect face for radio
18. I wanted to give you a nasty look, but you already have one
19. Brains aren’t everything. And, in your case, they’re nothing
20. It’s looks like your face caught on fire and somebody tried to extinguish it with a hammer
21. They say that we all sprang from apes. As it stands, you didn’t seem to spring far enough
22. I’m really jealous of everyone that hasn’t met you
23. There is only one problem with your face…I can see it
24. So a thought crossed your mind? Well, that journey must have been long and lonely
25. They say that laughter is the best medicine. Seems like your face is curing the world
26. You look like you came from a donation pile
27. If Mr. Rogers was your neighbor, he’d move
28. It is impossible to underestimate you
29. You will have a sparsely attended funeral
30. Someday you’ll go far. And I really hope you stay
31. I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time?
32. You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake
33. Your secrets are always safe with me because I just never listen to you
34. You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room
35. Mirrors can’t talk and lucky for you they can’t laugh either
36. Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain
37. Your face makes onions cry
38. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
39. I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
40. Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
41. I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
42. You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
43.  You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
44. Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
45. Bye. Hope I never see you again!
46. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
47. OH MY GOSH! IT SPEAKS!
48. Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
49. When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you?
50. Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.
51. You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
52. In a zombie apocalypse you’d be safe because there ain’t no brain in that huge skull of yours
53. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.
54. Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it.
55. You’re my favorite person… besides every other person I’ve ever met.
56. You’re about as helpful as a soup sandwich.
57. I have 90 billion nerves and you’re on all of them right now.
58. You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the bottom.
59. You’re not the dumbest person on earth but you’d better hope that they don’t die.
60. My life may be a joke, but you’re outfit is way funnier.
61. If you were a color, you’d be the bright, vibrant color of beige.
62. If you were any dumber, someone would have to water you twice a day.
63. I’ve seen a salad dressed better than you.
64. I smell something burning… Are you trying to think again?
65. May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
66. Oh, you changed your mind? I really hope this one works better.

Some of these insults came from these websites:
Thought Catalog
List 25
Buzz feed